You are with who???…….

Either I am out of touch or???……..

I got a text this morning from one of my mates. Apparently she was on the same train as Alan Carr. ( Followed by many exclamation marks).

Now

At the time I was brushing my teeth and not really concerned. Then, as I meandered to work I started to think:

Who?

Why do I not know who this person is?, especially as my mate purportedly works MUCH harder than I do and therefore cannot possibly find the time to watch the Friday Night Project because she has a life…….

seems I am mis-informed. She obviously has no life at all. I had to come to work and look on the internet to discover who this person was.

See, me with no life, and even I didn’t know who he was!

Searching for a new role in life…….

So I have been procrastinating lately about the state of my existance. I have been doing things about it, honest g’vnor.

There are currently 2 recruitment consultants sniffing around my CV. Once you are snapped up by these hounds you become nothing more than a juicy bone of commission to these grave-sellers. As I happen to work ( ahem) in the wordly science/social/economic world of ‘management arselicking’ ( ahem, I mean Human Resources), I am used to dealing with these flesh eating parasites from the candidate and the client point of view.

I am sure that there are plenty of really wonderful recruitment consultants out there who actually ARE qualified to match people to vacancies, but these days the job seems to be taken over by SALES people.

The Fast Show used to do a sketch with a (possibly) south african woman who was a ‘cosmetics counter lady’ who would snidely but cleverly insult her potential prey, I mean, customers. Well, recruitment consultants are a bit like that…….but that is just my opinion.

Horny b*stards…….

I got an email from a ‘friend’ ( well, I ‘handled’ him during one of my manic episodes). It surprised me on 2 counts, firstly that he doesn’t ever bother to contact me unless he is bored and horny and looking for a leg-over and secondly that he has obviously forgotten me shouting at him out my front window that if he didn’t piss off I would call his superior officer at the army barracks where he was stationed.

Just goes to show that there are some people out there that will take whatever you do whilst manic as a literal interpretation of your intentions. The only reason that I hooked up with this particular bloke at the time was ( and I shamefully admit), revenge and to inflate my increasingly shameful ego. Same said bloke also called me up one day at work and told me he had ‘ something important to talk to me about’.

Stupidly, I went along, and he told me that he was ‘ in love with me’ ( we had slept together twice!), and that all he could think about recently had been me.

I told him to put his dick back in his pants and shut the F*CK UP!, he still tried it on though.

These days life is so much more different. During the night my ‘partner’  (and I use the term losely, we live together but we haven’t had sex since 2005, and that was only because he was drunk and I couldn’t be bothered to push him away, he kept saying ‘ yeah, you like that don’t you?………eurgh!) had a wierd dream. I presume it must have been because he was wanking himself off in his sleep!

He never approaches me for sex, not since that awful drunken fumble back in 2005. Tonight he is out with his ‘work colleagues’. That is when he generally stays out in a specific hotel because they all meet up centrally and it means that none of them have to drive. These days I insist that he tells me the hotel name and telephone number, as previously he hasn’t bothered and that made me curious about the evasiveness. I am paranoid enough I don’t need any assistance!

Should have seen it coming……..

You think that as time goes on you should, by right, get better at spotting a change in your mood, but therein lies the rub….

Wonderful thing, insight, isn’t it? Supposedly something that most b/p people seem to lack when it comes to a mood swing. I should have thought it strange when I ran 6 miles on saturday and wasn’t exhausted, followed by a trail around the shops and then a heavy drinking session on saturday night. I did sleep on saturday, but that was mostly an alcoholic coma of sorts. Then on Sunday night I lay awake with my mind on overdrive, only to admit to myself in the early hours of Monday morning that I should have taken some olanzapine before I went to bed.

So I called work, by now I had trouble speaking……and then went back to bed after taking some meds, and slept solid for 6 hours.

When I woke it was like no time had passed at all. Very wierd feeling. And, I don’t even know what my *trigger* had been, not only that, I don’t think I had been ‘euthoric’ either…….hardly fair is it?

Anyways, I am now looking for a new, more interesting job. This has also got something to do with my state of mind and also the fact that when I am ‘well’ ( moderately happy), my job is piss easy and I am bored shitless. I mostly spend the day surfing the net and adding comments to mails sent to the Manic depressive website ( they are nice people there, very friendly).

mixed episode……*grrrr* 5th April

what the f***?

There I am, bumbling along and suddenly I feel like I want to rip someone’s head off!! For NO reason! Maybe because yesterday was a non-productive day I must have had a lot of pent up energy, so by the time I got home last night ( AND the plumber was STILL there!)…….I guess I wanted to scream…….

The apprentice 

Is it just me, or are the people who they ‘carefully review’ to go on this ’show’ ( because that is what it is, make no mistake!), are being COMPLETELY manipulated? Surely they must realise it is a ratings game, not a quest to be the next new brilliant wealthy clever people………or is it a quest for fame? But the resulting of showing these ‘bright young things’ is that it gets the boyfriend into a raging frenzy. He comes over all verbois and shouts at the television ( in the style of Jeremy Clarkson)………meanwhile I get a running comentary of ‘how thick they are’ and ‘ I wouldn’t do it like that………..’ ( the boyfriend’s words, not mine).

After about 45 minutes of his non-stop gabbling I was rattled to the core……….I told him that I was going to sleep in the spare room ( he had consumed a lot of whiskey and it makes him snore more than usual). My sleep has been a bit patchy lately, so I am aware I am heading for an ‘up’, except, I am agitated and bad tempered.

Glamorous? I don’t think so 

If you have ever read any Kay Redfield double-barrelled Jamieson’s book ‘The unquiet mind’, you will know that she martyed herself for the sake of us poor suffering bipolar people. She tells us of her mania’s and to an untrained eye one would assume that it can all be a bit of fun. Whilst it is a totally personal account of her sufferings, she is a professional in psychiatry herself, but she doesn’t mention the mixed episode ( well, not in my recollection anyway).

Memory

She doesn’t mention that does she? I admire anyone with bipolar who can honestly say that they don’t have problems with short-term memory. All the studying that KRJ does, and she never once mentions memory problems. Lucky, lucky woman.

In summary:

Today is a bad day. Am rattled but have no idea how to cope with it. Am sitting in my office with no work to do, on my own and the only thing that I have to look forward to is cleaning up after the plumber when I get in and a mountain of washing.

Oh deep joy………..

alternatively………..I could just go out for a walk around town and hope that I don’t rip some poor shop assistants head off.

Saturday I am going to Wales with his lordship. This will entail a lengthy lecture on how his driving compares with the rest of the world and his point of view on everything ( because of course, his opinion is always right, he had the audacity to say this to me last night).

How arogant can you get?

So, what do we do?

Re gig our CV for a start.

Done

Look at doing some evening classes

Done

Investigate plans for weekend visit to Wales

Done

Realise that my sleep pattern is slipping, only needed 6.5 hours last night and my boss told me this morning I ‘ look great’………..that could be because I am not taking my olanzapine……….very naughty.

Maybe I am moving into mania…………..

About time too, I say!

Tuesday (ruby looby Tuesday) 3rd April

Hmmmm. So I didn’t take the antibiotics…..I am just suffering…….and I just decided after that last post to take some TIME OUT……so I took the rest of the week off and just chilled out.

Nice.

Now I am back in boredsville……more news to come…….keep it real beepers