Is it all over before it began? Quite possibly.
I weakened, I went over to see C. I had to, as he told me matter of factly that he ‘didn’t have enough money to get the train over to my place, and can’t get hold of his mum to borrow some off her’.
This is a 33 year old man we are talking about here, not a teenager! and he can’t get himself together enough to manage his finances?
When I got there I bought 2 bottles of wine. Halfway through the second one C decided we should get another one, so I paid, again.
We then had a ‘discussion’, where by now I was slightly stoned and drunk, but basically he thinks it is all going too fast and I then told him that I was falling in love with him. That freaked him out. Freaked me out too actually.
So I suggested that I get a cab home, he said no, then I suggested that we make our relationship more casual and he said no to that too. We went to bed and I took some olanzapine and slept. Sunday morning, both of us very quiet, and he was fretting because I was SO quiet, but the meds make me like that, which is what I told him. I felt like he wanted me to go, so I got the 1.45 train, he walked me to the station holding my hand and said ‘ i’ll call you later’.
I wish he hadn’t said that. Because then I spend the rest of the day looking at my mobile phone. When he did call, I was outside and I called him back. I started the conversation about ‘maybe we need some space’ and he said ‘ I really don’t want to be having this conversation on the phone, I’ll speak to you tomorrow’. No text ‘ good night darling’ last night. I think it could be the end.
Well, it was fun while it lasted!
