but I was so drunk when he called last night I really don’t remember exactly the conversation…….maybe he dumped me. All I know by looking at my mobile today is that he called at 7.45pm last night, and I remember being in my friends restaurant and C saying something about how he couldn’t come over and me saying something like’ I’m not bothered’ and hanging up on him.
Then I sent him a text at 11.45 pm saying ‘ it’s all about you. You forgot about me’. Precisely WHAT that meant was probably something to do with the fact that everytime he spoke or emailed me yesterday all he went on about was HIS boss, HIS job, HIS health, how HE felt, and not one question about me………maybe I am just being selfish, but I had had enough of it last night. I spoke to him at about 5pm and asked him over, he said ‘ I am tired and feel lousy, can we talk about it tomorrow?’. I told him that this was the second time I had asked him over and he had refused, so that I wouldn’t ask him again, as I was fed up of being rebuffed all the time.
And now I am severely screwed up. Last night I was flirting with 2 guys who work in the indian restaurant next door to my friends restaurant. I even had drinks and a starter with them, for FREE……..What the hell sort of vibe was I giving off.
Not content with that, I went back to my flat and called up another guy I have been emailing who is also B/P. We talked and after about an hour I started getting saucy. I was doing phone sex with a man who I haven’t EVEN MET…….I was promising that I would go down to see him in Somerset and have wild and crazy sex and stay at his place.
WHAT WAS I THINKING??????
Now I am in work, I am still pissed, I have NO work to do. I have called C and left him a message to call me back.
He probably won’t. I have fucked up royaly. I know I am ill, I just don’t know what to do about it. Maybe I should just go home, take some olanzapine and go to bed. The rest of the week I could take off as holiday………………
I think that sounds like a plan.
