Apparently.
So I guess he does fancy me, otherwise we wouldn’t be having sex. And I guess the affection he feels for me is geniune, because he could have said he was in love with me, but he didn’t. He told me in the kitchen, and I was completely dumb struck, my heart started pounding, and I asked him to feel my chest.
The day before he had been in tears, on his knees in the kitchen telling me how much happier he has been since we got together and how much more confident and sure of himself he feels since we started seeing each other. I certainly cannot take all the credit for that, and I told him so. But it was nice to feel that I may have contributed in some way to his happiness.
We went to Eastbourne for the weekend. We had a good time. We lay on the beach on saturday, talking occasionally and laughing. We only had sex once, but it was incredibly intense, the way he was looking into my eyes, I nearly cried, but pulled myself together in time.
We made a lot of new friends, who told us things like ‘ you seem to have an electricity running between you’ and ‘you look so comfortable and happy together I would have thought you had been together for years’.
There is no doubt in my mind that I am in love with him, and I love him. I am now at the point where I am scared, in case it all goes wrong. He is now not working, he has told me that he will not be paying his rent to his flat mate this month, he will ask him to take the money from his deposit. It worries me slightly that he may be angling to move in with me, although he hasn’t yet asked me. While we were away we looked at the house prices and he suggested we buy a place together at the seaside with enough rooms to rent out. He obviously wants to live with me, but he knows that Alex will be moving in with me on the 20th August.
When I got home yesterday the thought of him lingered in my mind. I can’t seem to shake it off. Then I had a terrible hallucination, and got scared. I called him and he calmed me down and told me to take some of my meds, which I did. Then he called me at 8.00am as an ‘alarm call’, I think he just wanted to check that I was alright and I hadn’t hurt myself during the night. He is very considerate like that.
He had mentioned that he would come over on Wednesday night, but I got an email saying he would be over on Tuesday, as he wanted to help out the marketing guy, who I am seeing tomorrow. I don’t know if he really does want to help, or if he is just angling to get involved in my latest project. I don’t think even HE knows what he wants.
I am scared of how quickly we are getting attached to each other. People now ask me when they call ‘how is C? where is he today?’, like we are an old married couple.
All I hope is that this doesn’t burn out too quickly, and that I can maintain some distance so I don’t get too hurt. What am I so scared of?
